“Sunrises and Sunsets: A Shepherd Poet’s Story”
July 21, 2024 – Northwood United – Rev. Angus Pratt– Psalm 23 & Jeremiah 23: 1-6
"Dear Lord, we gather today seeking Your guidance and comfort. Open our hearts and minds to the wisdom of Your word. As we reflect on the lives of those who have walked through valleys and climbed mountains, may we find inspiration and strength. Amen."
Let me start with the image I chose for the bulletin. This is a very typical watercolor for me to paint and I often get asked whether it represents a sunrise or a sunset. As a lung cancer patient that is a very tough question. I live with an advanced diagnosis. Six years ago I was told that I had a 5% chance of making it to five years. I have clearly beaten those odds. But I'm on my fifth line of treatment and there is really nothing beyond this at this point. So I live with uncertainty.
But I live. And I hope that is the theme that comes through today. It's a long complicated story but while I do a lot of public speaking, this is the first sermon I have preached in twenty years. And I found myself struggling to move it from my head to my heart. Because I want to share the blessings that have been given to me and do it in the context of a profound spiritual life that I don't get to talk about very often.
The Scriptures that were chosen for today were near and dear to me. Psalm 23 was sung at my mother's funeral. And has continued to have a profound impact on how I live my life, guiding my relationship with God. And then we come to Jeremiah, Jerry as I love to flippantly refer to him. He was a profound prophet and outcast in his time but his warnings echo down through the ages.
So today I'm going to try and use the shepherd as a way to tell a bit of my story which is what I was asked to do this morning.
I need to come clean right off the bat. My dad was a veterinarian and I grew up caring for a wide variety of animals on the small farm we had. Cattle, pigs, horses, chickens were all part of my teen years. But we didn't have any sheep. Ever. I don't know where my father's deep dislike of sheep came from but I may have inherited it.
I have been around them enough to know that their lack of intelligence is well deserved.
And that brings us back to the shepherd. When I asked Artificial Intelligence what a shepherd does this is the answer it gave me.
A shepherd primarily takes care of sheep, ensuring their safety, health, and well-being. Here are some key responsibilities of a shepherd:
- Guiding and Herding: Leading the flock to grazing areas and water sources. Using trained dogs or other means to keep the flock together and direct their movement.
- Health Monitoring: Observing the sheep for signs of illness, injury, or parasites and providing appropriate care. This can include administering medicine, treating wounds, and ensuring proper nutrition.
- Lambing: Assisting with the birthing process, including helping ewes during difficult births and caring for newborn lambs.
- Protection: Safeguarding the flock from predators, such as wolves or dogs, and protecting them from harsh weather conditions.
- Maintenance: Maintaining fences, shelters, and other infrastructure necessary for the care of the sheep.
- Shearing: Removing wool from the sheep, usually done annually.
In a metaphorical or literary sense, a shepherd can also represent a leader or caretaker who guides and protects a group of people, similar to how a shepherd tends to their flock.
If you were to track a theme through my life it would be community development. I have held the formal title in some jobs but more often not it was just implicit in the things that I have been doing. Shepherding could be the job title too. Let me tell some stories and try and show how that applies to my life.
When I was told I had lung cancer to say that it was devastating would be an understatement. When I was given the prognosis even worse. My late wife had a favourite saying "Courage is the gazelle facing the lions." Just like David had to face lions and wolves as a shepherd we all have to face our fears.
Two things I had to learn quickly. I could not worry about the future or the past I could only focus on the present. Even today if you ask me what I'm doing tomorrow I would have to pull out my calendar and check. Finding the tiny blessing of peace and joy in each day and creating memories both for myself and those around me really became my reason for being.
And secondly I could not do this alone. I needed community. And I found it. I found creative communities in painting and poetry. I had a strong community in my church. And I had a strong community in my family and another one in the AlAnon recovery community.
I had the regular privilege of serving communion in the Lutheran church I was attending in Blaine. And in the week leading up to beginning my treatment I had that privilege. Feeling that this might be the last time I would do this had tears running down my cheeks as I served the cup. Not unnoticed as a few parishioners gave me a hug.
A few short months after that experience my late wife was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed away six weeks later. Again the spiritual and recovery family rallied around me supporting me. God's people in action. They helped me empty my rental home in Blaine in just over a month, selling, packing, cleaning, and keeping me fed.
Spiritual resilience has long been a standard in my toolkit. I regularly read a little prayer written by Thomas Merton that ends "I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear for You are ever with me and will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Sometimes you find inspiration in the strangest places. I was attending a conference in Atlanta a few months ago and I ran into Chris Draft again. I think he was a linebacker for a few NFL teams through his 12 year career. His boosterism for the lung cancer cause seems to know no limits. I discovered that Atlanta is home for him. When he saw my name badge had "Trouble maker" on it, he pulled out his phone and started scrolling madly. After a minute or two of searching, he turned and said, "Road trip. Meet me in the lobby in ten minutes. I'm going to get my car and I have to show you something."
Something turned out to be a wall mural of his deceased Congressman - John Lewis. John Lewis was an American civil rights leader and politician best known for leading the march that was halted by police violence on the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama, in 1965. It was a landmark event in the history of the civil rights movement that became known as “Bloody Sunday.” The quote on the mural read "Don't be afraid to make noise and good trouble - necessary trouble." We talked about the importance of awareness and developing community, inclusion, calling people in rather than out. It was a message that resonated with me in many ways.
And that brings me to my advocacy for lung cancer patients. Bringing hope to patients who have none has become a deep motivation for me. I often asked how to get involved in patient advocacy. I don't know.
I do know that my own journey began with simply telling my story. I wanted to keep my family informed and what was newsletter has become a blog with more than 90 entries. That led to regular posting in cancerconnection.ca and various struggles with funding led to other opportunities to speak up. For those of you that ride the bus, there is a recycled ad campaign currently running that has put my face on ads talking about the Wrong Question.
I have had the opportunity to do research and speak on national and international stages about the stigma that follows lung cancer patients.
When I am asked about the most impactful thing I have been involved in two things come to mind. Several years ago I ran across a program called the White Ribbon Project. A young patient frustrated by her cancer centres refusal to recognize November as Lung Cancer Awareness Month she asked her husband to cut out a plywood ribbon. She painted it white and hung it on the front door. She soon expanded to put a couple on the front lawn. The project caught on in a big way soon White Ribbons were appearing all over. Attending my first zoom gathering with other patients was an amazing experience. Patient privacy makes it very difficult to find other lung cancer patients and even though it was zoom to be in a gathering of 50 patients was a moving experience.
Soon I had a White Ribbon travelling with me to appointments and across the country. It hangs behind me in my zoom calls and has become a rallying call for patients. A few months later another advocate and I met to give a Ribbon to another patient. She suggested that we gather regularly on zoom to support and encourage each other. That little group of three has grown to thirty. We have had a number of patients join and then pass away. That serves to remind us all of the deadliness of the disease. Shepherding this tiny flock is my proudest achievement. We have put on Summits for lung cancer patients here in BC, had November declared lung cancer awareness month by the province and various cities, met with politicians and other activities. But more importantly supported each other in a journey that can often be lonely and frightening.
Support comes in many ways. In the early days I gathered a small team of supporters. I had a different person take me to each of my initial chemo appointments. It let them see what treatment looked like and gave us a chance to talk and get to know each other. My step mother who in reality is only a few years older than me drove down from Vernon to accompany me to appointments as a second set of ears and when I needed someone to care for me after my mastectomies, slept on my kitchen floor on a blowup mattress. Wow.
I have mentioned my involvement in 12 step recovery groups. When the pandemic came along several of us banded together to provide meetings online through zoom. Again that community building and shepherding role.
The mentors on CancerConnection the online forum I mentioned earlier formed a group we affectionately called the "Hob Nob" It was a chance to get to know each other and breakdown the isolation of the pandemic. We talked about the challenges of our cancers but also the challenges that we faced in all sorts of other arenas. Again a chance to shepherd a tiny flock.
When the pandemic lockdown came I needed to find a new church home. Travelling across the border to the church I had attended for many years was no longer possible. I had found Northwood through Jazz Vespers and had been singing with the choir. Anything to keep my lungs in good shape. So when the church moved to a prepared service it seemed natural to me to offer community through zoom "Coffee time" That grew to a little community of folks that when became a little flock. Sharing tough family moments, and creating community was a way of providing shepherding. It became a place of spiritual sustenance and growth as well.
David was a poet. And part of my journey has been one of processing my thoughts through poetry. It has been a rough few months with my own progression and a number of vary prominent advocates dying. I can't compare to David but in closing I would like to share a recent effort
Too many arrows
Do I begin with the drum beat of death,
or the litany of names
like the haunting sound of bagpipes?
I live on the arc of an arrow's flight.
When it lands my life is done.
The strange thing though
is the arrow flight
trajectories of others around me.
Some shorter
some longer
some surprising
some not.
These arrows have names
Andrea, Ivy, Jill,
Laura, Shannon, Nina
Though not as public
Men too, Jason, Dann.
And with each one
there is a wondering at the loss
The thud of landing arrow
another beat of death's drum
the emptiness left behind
a contradiction to the wave
of memories that wash over.
Inevitable wondering
how much longer will I have
When will my name be added
to the list,
to the litany.
Until then,
I listen to the music.
Take each moment as a reminder
to peace and joy.
As we come to the end of our discussion, let us remember that the power of our words and actions can shape the world around us. Let us strive to be the change we wish to see, to spread kindness and empathy in all that we do. Together, we can build a brighter future for ourselves and for generations to come. Thank you for sharing this time with me, and may we each carry a spark of inspiration to light our paths ahead.
"Lord, thank You for being our shepherd and guide. As we leave today, may we carry the lessons of courage and resilience, inspired by Angus Pratt and Your holy word. Strengthen our hearts and lead us in paths of righteousness. Amen."